i just had sex bonerless
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
