Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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