We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
