True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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