That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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