she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
