you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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