I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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