just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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