I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Randomize
