and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
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