omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
