His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
