I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
