I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
birth control should be required to get into college
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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