I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
