Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
