by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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