So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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