I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
