dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
