dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
