Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
