Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
You're like the curious george of whores
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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