There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
