Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
