So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
