you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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