i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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