just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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