It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
