we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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