I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
