Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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