My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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