Got a toothbrush?
Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
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