As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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