Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
