just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
