life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
