did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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