i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Randomize
