Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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