u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
