a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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