The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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