I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
