In the future we'll all be gay
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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