highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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