I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
