You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Sex in the backyard? Check.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
